Movie Review: The Great Gatsby

I tried to have an open mind, I really did. Alas, The Great Gatsby failed to win me over. It wasn't as horrible as I assumed it would be, but was still pretty awful.

Where to start? Well, first I'll just come out and say it. I didn't read the book in school *ducks* and have zero emotional/nostalgia points to draw from. I was somewhat familiar with the plot and central themes of the book because, it's such a icon of American literature I couldn't help but absorb them through osmosis over the years. In other words, I went into The Great Gatsby as neutral party. Well, not entirely neutral. I mean, I have eyes. I saw the trailer, I read the news about the Jay-Z soundtrack. I hoped for the best but expected the worst.

The film is a long and jumbled mess. It's literally all over the place. I described Harmony Korine's Spring Breakers as "...a declaration of war on the senses." Well, with The Great Gatsby, director Baz Luhrmann says fuck the war and drops an atom bomb of CGI/glitter/vibrant colors and brash music on screen. I really don't even know where to begin. Gatsby's character is a mysterious playboy who throws lavish parties so I kind of understand the whole "Baz is just keeping it real and making his movie incredibly over the top" argument. But no. God no. He didn't have to go full on jazz hands either.

"Did you read the book? Where we supposed to read the book?"

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Gatsby, a wealthy dude who throws the wildest parties imaginable during the Roaring Twenties. He hangs out with a dorky sidekick (Tobey Maguire...art imitating life Leo?) and tries to woo a lost love back into his life through a series of sneaky/romantic maneuvers. That's about it. There are hints of greater themes buried somewhere in this film, but good luck getting past the layers of cinematic diabetes Luhrman has piled onscreen to enjoy them.

Lurhman pulls a Tarantino/Wes Anderson move and is so in love with his "unique" directing style, the overall substance of the The Great Gatsby is lost in the process. Romantic scenes result in lifeless posturing because the actors are hamming it up. Just about every character in the film is either unlikeable or worse, uninteresting. The music, holy shit the music. I like Jay-Z, he's a cool guy. His soundtrack however, yanked me out of the film more times than Toby Maguire's Spider-Man-esqe narration. So modern audiences are too stupid to appreciate music from the Jazz Age and it's cultural significance and it's very real relevance to The Great Gatsby's story...but they aren't too stupid to throw tomatoes at the screen for the cringe worthy amounts crappy CGI and "3D" shots in the film? This is why I'm a misanthrope who hates my generation and weeps for the future of humanity.

As much as I enjoyed staring at Carey Mulligan's gorgeous face on the big screen, and Joel Edgerton's standout performance as her douchebag husband, I really cannot recommend this movie to anyone. It wasn't horrible but it was frustrating that such a great story (or so I'm told) was damn near ruined like this. Such grand themes about love and loss, obsession and regrets, social mobility and injustice should have been the highlights of this film but instead we get tacky light saber overload...that's what pisses me off so much.

Movie Review: Iron Man 3

The original Iron Man was Marvel's first stab at franchise launching and they kept things nice and grounded. Well, as grounded as a film about a dude in a mechanical suit who shoots jets out of the sky could be. There was some smidgen of "realism" to that flick. Iron Man 2 was a cringe worthy two hour infomercial for The Avengers.  Now we have Iron Man 3, a totally different beast than any of the previous films in this series. It's fun. These comic book movies, they're meant to be fun remember? Keep that in mind.

So, Iron Man 3. Written and directed by 80's action icon Shane Black. This film stresses the MAN in Iron Man. Following the shenanigans that took place in The Avengers film (Norse gods, a gnarly green rage monster, clandestine government agencies running wild, alien invasions and intergalactic worm holes, you know...) this film had no choice but to scale things down a notch. Just like in the comics world, not every Marvel film can be OMG end of the world important. Iron Man has to deal with Iron Man problems. Now that the cosmic cat is out of the bag in the Marvel cinematic universe, any hopes of instilling that grounded sense of realism from the original into Iron Man 3 is gone. So what did Shane Black do? He made an 80's action style buddy cop picture.

This film is a total tongue and cheek homage to the action flicks of yore. We find Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr., duh) suffering from debilitating panic/anxiety attacks after all the crazy shit he endured in The Avengers. So he's a mess, his personal relationships are going down the toilet and he's slowly but surely losing his mind. He also incurs the wrath of an international terrorist call The Mandarin who royally fucks his shit up, ie, destroys his home and most of his Iron Man gear. Most of the movie is Tony Stark, the man, interacting with other humans, using his whits and bare hands to survive. This might be frustrating for people who expect lots of Iron Man action, but have patience, Black rewards the geek faithful with a full blown Iron Man bonanza at the end.

So here's a full count of all the 80's action motifs I loved in Iron Man 3:

Old school violence:
-Tony's house and Iron Man tech get demolished by helicopter gun ships firing a shit ton of ordinance.
-Lot's of random people die. Some are innocent civilians but most are faceless enemy goons/drones.
-Tony and Rhodes sneak into the enemy hideout (by the docks, naturally) armed with handguns. Lethal Weapon anyone?

Buddy Cop:
- Like I said before, Tony and Rhodes are the Riggs and Murtaugh of the Marvel Universe.
- Tony and some smart ass little kid have a cool love/hate/mostly love comedic relationship.

Sexy Ladies & Femme Fatales:
-Every cute woman Tony locks eyes with wants him dead.
- The Mandarin and his cadre of strippers.
- Even Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) is in her sports bra and dripping sweat/sexiness by film's end.

Half baked political jargon:(80's action films were infamous for their Reagan-era pro American themes)
- Gotta save the President.
- The war of terror.

- Shady business men and politicians are a match made in heaven.

Hell, Shane Black even cast William Sadler (Die Hard 2)and Miguel Ferrer (RoboCop) in the film!

Iron Man 4: Lethal Weapons

So there it is. The film takes a while to find it's legs, I'd go as far as saying the first 1/3 flat out drags. But once it gets going, it's an old school thrill ride. Lots of laughs, lots of action and really fine performances from the entire cast. Don Cheadle actually does things of value in this one, and Guy Pierce is just awesome in everything.  Since Avengers 2 and the upcoming Thor sequel will undoubtedly have CGI effects up the ass, I'm glad Shane Black decided to take a low key approach to this, probably the final Iron Man film. Low key, until the epic Iron Man Royal Rumble sequence at the end. That was just crazy.

Paramore @ The Wiltern, Los Angeles. 5-1-13.

 I was on the fence about this show for sometime. The last time I saw Paramore in concert they were wrapping up dates on the tour cycle for their awesome Brand New Eyes album. That was back in 2010 (as I was first starting this here blog) and the band has undergone some massive changes since then.

Josh (guitar) and Zac Farro (drums) quit Paramore in late 2010. The split was pretty nasty. Since the band's inception, Josh and front woman Hayley Williams served as the groups main song writers. With the Farro's abrupt departure, the band not only lost one of it's main songwriters, but lost it's musical core as well. Like Pantera without the Abbotts, Vinnie and Dime, or Van Halen without...the Van Halens. How on Earth would Paramore sound without the Farros?

Well, their new self titled album finally dropped earlier this year...and it was kind of a mess. Long rant short: I didn't hate it with a passion, but really, really miss the Farro brothers.

lifted from Rolling Stone...because Blogger is acting crazy and won't let me upload ANYTHING

 Well, the night was upon us. Showtime. A sold out show in fact. Lucky for me I had a inside connection that came through and got us great seats for cheap (Craigslist, wat up?!?). The opening band Kitten was, well they were horrible. I don't want to bash them too much because I just read that the main girl in the band is like only seventeen years old, but man they've got some work to do.

So Paramore came out and the rabid sold out crowd went nuts. Several thousand females shrieking their brains out, it's almost deafening. So here's the good:

• The new songs sound much better live than on the overtly polished new album.
• Hayley Williams is still an amazing front woman/singer (she was recovering from throat problems but still danced/sang her heart out).
• The back up musicians they tour with are all top notch hired guns and really nailed the songs (this was the heaviest the band has ever sounded).

 Ad now...here's the bad:

• The band currently exists as a trio, without a permanent 2nd guitarist or drummer which is...insane.
• The hired guns do all the heavy lifting (lead guitar and drums, hello) but stand in the shadows all night.
• Taylor York, the only official guitar player in the band and Hayley defacto song writing partner is still playing rhythm and lets the hired gun behind him play all of Josh's lead. Step it up dude.
• The stage show/production is kind of annoying.

With the brothers gone, it seems Hayley Williams is free to do what she pleases with the band. Her version of Paramore 2.0 still put on a good show, but I couldn't help but notice what was missing. Back in 2010, Paramore was a hungry young rock band who came to do just that, fucking rock. Now, they've gone all jazz hands on us. They've got a fancy, glittery stage production with lots of bells and whistles, and three hired guns lurking in the shadows adding more guitar than ever to overcompensate for the missing piece of the Paramore puzzle, the Farro bros. musical core that, along with Hayley's voice, all but define the band. Hopefully they'll all make amends one day. The world will be a better place for it. If not...at least put the house lights the backing musicians who are doing all the damn work.

R.I.P. Jeff Hanneman & SLAYER

R.I.P. 1964-2013

Jeff Hanneman, the pioneering guitarist of metal icons Slayer, died of liver failure yesterday in Southern California. He was 49 years old. Jeff had been sidelined from active duty in Slayer since 2011, after he contracted necrotizing fasciitis, a gruesome flesh eating disease, from an apparent spider bite. Jeff had been recovering at home while Slayer continued touring with a replacement guitarist (Jeff's friend Gary Holt of Exodus) until he could rejoin the band. Now that is an impossibility. You might recall how upset I was when Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo had been ousted from the band in February. This is something else entirely.

Jeff Hanneman was more than just a guitar player. By all accounts, Jeff was Slayer. Jeff and Kerry King are championed as twin guitar heroes and rightfully so. Their discordant dueling guitar solos are a trademark of Slayer's sound. However, the Hanneman/King duo whose collaborations fill the liner notes of Slayer's catalog can't hold a candle to the songs Hanneman wrote on his own. Yes, Jeff Hanneman wrote the bulk of Slayer's greatest songs alone. "Angel of Death," "South of Heaven" "War Ensemble" "Dead Skin Mask" and the band's magnum opus, "Raining Blood." There simply is no Slayer without Jeff Hanneman.

I was crushed by the news of Jeff's passing yesterday. Slayer was hands down, one of the most important bands/influences of my life. I'll share my Slayer story another time. This is for Jeff. May he reign in blood, somewhere south of heaven. You are missed sir.

Awesome Photo (14)

The Presidents of The United States of America. Not the band..the living Presidents (aka: Super Friends) all met up last week at the opening of G.W. Bush's new recycling center in, wait, Bush II has a library? Oh the hell with this.

*NOTE*
Johnson, Nixon and Reagan all participated via satellite: from hell. Ford was cool doe, he liked nachos.