Movie Review: Lone Survivor

As a war film, Lone Survivor is a wildly successful action piece designed to simultaneously horrify and titillate the masses. It's when the film tries to be something greater that it transforms into a ham-fisted melodrama. When the movie clicks, it's a dazzling dose of high octane film making with moments of genuine emotion and sincerity. However, there are some laughably juvenile sequences sprinkled throughout that dampen it's otherwise kinetic pacing. Fear not, director Peter Berg doesn't achieve Michael Bay/Zack Snyder levelness of cheesiness in Lone Survivor, but he gets close.

Lone Survivor is the story of four Navy SEALs conducting a reconnaissance mission in the mountains of Afghanistan. Some pesky locals discover their position and place the team in a less than ideal situation. Release the civilians and run the risk of them alerting the enemy of their location, or kill them and be war criminals, ruining the Navy SEALs honor and long standing reputation. The SEALs release their captives and sure enough, are ambushed by hostile forces in a fierce mountain side battle.

Mark Wahlberg, Taylor Kitsch, Emile Hirsch and Ben Foster play the members of the SEAL team and deliver great performances all around. Even though Wahlberg is about ten years older than the rest of the cast, and it was a bit weird watching him take orders from Taylor Kitsch, he's the bonafide "star" of the film and is *SPOILER* (not really...read the title brah), the lone survivor. In my humble opinion, it's Ben Foster who steals the show here. He puts a Doc Holiday-ish spin on his character that transforms him from badass to ridiculously badass. The bond between these characters is not only believable, but during the insane gun fights it borders on heartbreaking. I attribute this to the tremendous talents of the cast (yes I just praised Taylor Kitsch's acting skills), using their onscreen chemistry to propel the film...because the script alone sure as hell couldn't.

MVPs

Peter Berg is lucky he cast strong leads and knows how to channel America's love of 80's action films, because the script he wrote and some of the mind numbingly cliched directorial choices he made on Lone Survivor almost ruined his film. First gripe, we don't know or care about the characters. We get brief, almost empty glances into their lives before we are suddenly thrust into Call of Duty: Mountain Ambush. The relationship between the SEALs would have felt totally forced if it wasn't for the A+ performances selling each scene. Next, the film's tacked on political commentary would have been funny if it wasn't laughably one dimensional. One could imagine Berg listening to the Team America theme song while doing push ups in the editing room screaming "FUCK YEAH!" with every head shot. I understand this is an adaptation of a book, and the author (a real SEAL...that sounds weird) didn't have time to wax philosophical with the dudes shooting bullets at his face, but watching faceless villains getting annihilated starts to get stale after a while. The epic battle between the "good" Afghan villagers who save Wahlberg and the "terrorists" is compelling, although it starts to feel like "magical negro" syndrome by the end.

Perhaps Lone Survivor's worst offense is shielding itself behind the "based on a true story" defense. The film opens with footage of legit Navy SEALS training and ends with images of the actual personnel who died during the real Operation Red Wings. It has been shown that the events depicted in this film have been greatly exaggerated, or grossly inaccurate...depending on your view. When you take away the forced sentiment that comes with these "true story aka real hero" movies, you're left with the a flawed film that might not have been detected otherwise. Make no mistake, Lone Survivor is a thoroughly entertaining action film, with great performances and some stunning cinematography. Maybe a more skilled director could have successfully taken the film beyond the confines of "action flick" like Berg so desperately aspires to, unfortunately, he falls short. 

Rundown on The Shutdown

It’s a cold fall morning. Your alarm rings to no avail. You should have been up five minutes ago. You need coffee. You gotta get ready for work. Shit, you need gas. Oh well. Fuck it. This bed is too warm. You’re just too, damn, comfy.

Uh oh. Getting a lil too warm. Search your feelings, you know it be true…you gotta piss.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Just a little longer. You have enough gas to make it. You’ll be fine.
Fuck--- light is creeping in from that busted window blind.

NO. You’re staying. You haven’t been this snug in ages. You can hold it. Just curl into a ball and forget about the yellow river of urine about to crest. 

(Stomach gurgles) 
Uh oh. That ain’t hunger. Your bowels are saying “sup bro?” You gotta take a shit.

(Loud gurgles)
A mad shit.

NO. Who cares? You’re calling in sick. Intestines be damned you can’t risk it. You’re just so fucking comfy right now it’s ridiculous.

(Insane squishy gurgle)
Well, that about settles it. Time to get up and…

NO! We’re calling in remember? We can’t afford to get up right now, we might never be this comfy again!

Look, I want to stay in bed as much as you do but, we gotta hit that toilet man. ASAP.

STAY! Call in. Do some laundry later, clean up…

OK. That’s it. We are not SHITTING THE BED. We're late for work. I'm not trying to get fired for lounging in bed, and dude...we got some napalm diarrhea over here. We’re getting out of bed: NOW.

(sobbing)
B-But, we’re so comfy right now. Oh God. Well, we fought the good fight. We just didn’t win. Our days of being comfy are over.

Toilet seat lifts: explosion.

That’s basically how the 113th United States Congress handled the government shutdown earlier this month. The battle to defeat The Affordable Care Act/ObamaCARE ended long ago. It may be a flawed piece of legislation and already looks like its being implemented poorly, but it passed both houses of Congress, was reaffirmed with the last Presidential election…and was upheld by The Supreme Court. It’s over dude. It’s not going anywhere.

Unfortunately, some members of Congress (mainly House Republicans and deranged Senators like Ted Cruz) couldn’t be bothered to swallow the bitter pill of democracy/reality and realize that you can’t always get what you want and tried tying their continued fight against ObamaCare with the Federal Budget and Debt Ceiling negotiations in one last gasp of desperation/insanity. So they threw an ideological tantrum and held the government hostage for close to three weeks. Now funding the government is one of the most basic functions Congress performs. Humans need water and food to survive, the government needs Congress to appropriate funds to do stuff. It’s that simple. Republican members of the House were content with staying in their comfy beds of conservative ideology and ignore their basic duties to fund the government and ya know, not shit all over the place.

So what happened? Well, in the end, just one day prior to certain economic catastrophe, Congress was able to limp out of bed and reopen the government. Congratulations Congress, you’ve proved to be slightly more responsible than infants in not soiling yourselves. Kudos. Don’t get cocky though, I know potty training is a big deal, but you’ve still got a long road ahead.

FAIL

I GET JOKES: Free Speech

artwork by Tiffany Reza

Did you know it’s illegal to yell “fire” in a public place? Well you can, but only if the joint is burning down. You can’t falsely yell “fire” in, oh, let’s say a crowded theater, or any packed public place that could cause panic and result in people getting hurt. I know, I know, but what about muh FREEOMS?! Freedom of speech is great (thank you Larry Flynt) but limitations like this one seem necessary in my book. 

You know what other phrase should be illegal? “It’s yours.” I’m not talking about slices of pizza either. Falsely identifying someone as your baby daddy should definitely fall under the limitations of free speech. You better have a warrant, forensics and eye witness testimony before you come at a guy with that. Why? Well the threat of a fire/disaster in a public sphere is illegal because it could result in bodily harm or death. False fatherhood accusations on the other hand are equal to certain death. It’s an 18 years to life sentence (depending on how fucked up the kid turns out). Say goodbye to the existence you once knew. It’s diapers, braces, data plans and tuition/bail from here until the little bastard gets a full time job when he’s 34 (thanks Obama).

If you can’t yell fire in a public space, you shouldn’t be allowed to accuse potential baby daddy’s on Twitter either. Think about it. The social media sphere is more crowded than all the theater houses and sports arenas in the world. Do you have any idea how hard it is to shake the hashtag #deadbeatdad. You’ll be an instant pariah. Even something harmless like: “Joey Joe Joe was tagged at The Yard House with 4 others” will result in endless comments like: “He needs to be wit his family at home.” “PREACH” and “ReALTALk.”

I know that big government is the enemy and the last thing we all need are the feds telling us how to live and what to say…but this is serious. The Clear and Present Danger doctrine has been instituted in our legal system for almost a century now, I just think it’s time we updated it for modern times. No false fire or paternity claims in 21^st century America. And remember ladies, the burden of proof rests solely on the prosecution. God, I love this country.

Awesome Photo (14)

The Presidents of The United States of America. Not the band..the living Presidents (aka: Super Friends) all met up last week at the opening of G.W. Bush's new recycling center in, wait, Bush II has a library? Oh the hell with this.

*NOTE*
Johnson, Nixon and Reagan all participated via satellite: from hell. Ford was cool doe, he liked nachos.

The Big Lebowski 15th Anniversary

This week marks the 15th anniversary of the Coen Brothers' beloved cult film, The Big Lebowski. Although initially considered a bomb at the box office, the film found new life on home video and became a hit with college students (re: stoners, disenfranchised intellectuals) in the early 2000s. The film's protagonist, an unemployed pacifist who only concerns himself with bowling, drinking white Russians and smoking marijuana, became a reactionary hero ("...takin' her easy for all us sinners.") to the Bush Administration's post 9/11 America. That, and The Big Lebowski is simply hilarious.

To say that I love this movie, would be an understatement. I remember watching The Big Lebowski for the first time in segments over one week sometime in 1999, maybe 2000. Showtime was playing the film like crazy and I'd catch bits and pieces of it while I was doing homework or something. At first I only latched on to the curse words and crude jokes, it was enough to make me want to watch it again....and again. You get the picture. Before I knew it I was quoting the film like clockwork and, like I'd done with The Simpsons previously, was relating experiences from my everyday life back to the film. It was extraordinary. The weird movie I couldn't even bother to sit through had somehow become one of my favorite films of all time.

Walter Sobchak guards my DVDs

It's safe to say this film sparked my interest in many unknown subjects at the time (nihilism, Vietnam, Vladimir IIlyich Ulyanov Lenin, porn, Creedence Clearwater Revival, IN-N-OUT Burger), and it's overarching cinematic theme has become my own personal mantra: "Fuck it." I could rant and rave about The Big Lebowski all day and demand each and everyone of you pay homage to the film...but that would just be like, my opinion man.

Lincoln + Scarface = BEARDFACE

Abraham Lincoln is one of the most beloved figures in American History. Tony Montana is one of the craziest dudes in cinematic history. One fought to preserve the Union during the Civil War, the other did enough cocaine to kill an army. I could draw parallels between the two all day. Thankfully, the good folks at Slick Gigolo took care of that for me. Be warned: insane amounts of awesomeness ahead:


Tomorrow is Lincoln's birthday. I know this video would have made him proud.

Movie Review: Zero Dark Thirty

Zero Dark Thirty is an exhausting film. It's long and tedious. It's intense and shocking. You'll cringe and find yourself laughing at the most random, mundane things because of how dark and smothering the overall tone of the film is. As difficult as the film is to sit through, it's still amazing. A technical marvel that's beautiful to watch (even if it's content is jarring) and loaded with great performances, Zero Dark Thirty is easily one of the best films of 2012.

The film is based on the decade long manhunt for Osama Bin Laden. Jessica Chastain plays a young and determined CIA agent named Maya who devotes eight years of her life to capturing the terrorist mastermind. I shouldn't say devote, more like obsess. Her character is barely human. From her depiction in the film, Mayas work is all consuming. She barely eats, hardly sleeps and when awake, only focuses on the manhunt. Maya is a strong willed and intelligent person. She's pretty much always the smartest person in the room and must navigate through the sexist and bureaucratic nightmares of the CIA/political world, as well as the very real physical and psychological dangers she's faces in the line of duty.

Jessica Chastain's performance is the heart and soul of the film. The audience grows (colder) as Maya becomes more engrossed, and jaded, by her work. She can barely stand through the horrific torture sequences that open the film but by the second hour, she doesn't flinch. Instead you might become more enraged at how frustratingly incompetent our government appears to operate with all the behind the scenes spy stuff. Bureaucratic bungling becomes just as reprehensible as waterboarding over enough time. The film's final act, the raid on Bin Laden's compound, is dazzling. It's edge of your seat film making, which is quite a feat considering the entire world already new the end result (spoiler: they kill him). Director Kathryn Bigelow is an ace when it comes to building tension, and the way she handles all the military and CIA procedural stuff makes Zero Dark Thirty feel more like a documentary than a feature film sometimes, which reiterates just how good she really is.

I don't understand all the controversy the film has been generating. It doesn't promote torture in anyway shape or form. In fact it should be blatantly clear that the film as no agenda or political message behind behind it at all. This isn't go go USA propaganda or an anti-Muslim, pro torture film by any means. There's hardly even any real cohesive plot or narrative in the first place. The film jumps around between a span of ten years, following obsessive compulsive CIA agents damn near spiral into madness to accomplish their mission. Bigelow's film is like a two and half hour Nietzsche infomercial,

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

...that, and it's a damn fine movie.


(That is, without the doubt, the BEST trailer of 2012 also.)

Movie Review: Argo

The Town was the first movie I reviewed here at Jim's Fear back in 2010. Although I really enjoyed the film, I was more stoked that it redeemed it's star/director, Ben Affleck, who had spent most of the 2000's pissing me off in really shitty roles . Well, if The Town was Affleck's great comeback, Argo appears poised to be his great victory. It's a hell of movie and has some serious Oscar hype behind it.

cheers: to my comeback...and 70's wardrobe

On paper, Argo sounds like it should have been a horrible movie. It's a period film that's also a historical/political drama, based on actual events that are so insanely far fetched, mostly everyone involved in the real life incident couldn't believe it either. But somehow, someway, Affleck pulls this thing off masterfully.

So the film revolves around the Iranian Hostage Crisis of 1979. More than fifty Americans were taken hostage when members of the Iranian Revolution stormed the United States Embassy in Tehran. During the chaos, six Americans managed to escape and hide at the Canadian ambassador's residence. The film's plot centers on how the CIA tries to get those six unfortunate souls out of Iran without getting them discovered and or killed by the Revolutionary Guard. Affleck plays the CIA spymaster who proposes that the hidden American diplomats pose as a Canadian film crew scouting locations in Iran. Argo is basically a movie about the development of a fake movie, where Americans pose as Canadians because they're trying to flee the the Iranians...all orchestrated by the CIA and some old Hollywood producers. Again, this sounds beyond retarded, but it actually happened and it worked!

crazy like a Fox

Despite all the craziness I just mentioned, Affleck has crafted a compelling, suspenseful and powerful film. The opening scene, the storming of the embassy sequence, sets the tone for the entire film. Mixing archival news footage with some awesome handheld camera work, Argo achieves an amazing sense of realism. The sets, props, wardrobe (viva those ugly late 70's get ups) and kick ass classic rock soundtrack (Aerosmith, Dire Straits...Van Halen!) made me feel like I'd time traveled back to the Carter years. Everyone in the cast did an amazing job, from the six hostages in exile who slowly start to go crazy, to Affeck's CIA and Hollywood homeboys who back him up throughout the film (Bryan Cranston and John Goodman are great...in everything), even Affleck himself is pretty believable as the CIA's top extraction specialist. I just have a problem with him acting and directing his films. I know he's the director (and now, certifiably a great one at that) so when I see him on screen I imagine him directing himself in the same outfit and it just pulls me out of the movie. At least that's what happened in The Town...not as much during Argo.

That's probably because I was too busy sitting on the edge of my seat the whole time. Yes, I wasn't kidding when I said Argo was suspenseful. As a History geek, I pretty much already knew how the movie ended, yet I was hooked from start to finish. I kept marveling at how Affleck had me by the balls every time I fought the urge to use the restroom. It's really that suspenseful. Go see it.

Election 2012

douche v. turd

It's election day here in the USA. I'm not impressed with either of the two candidates running for President. Romney is a corporate shill and Obama is hardly the agent of "change" he promised to be in 2008. Back then, anyone who wasn't George W. Bush would have done fine. Not so much these days. Obama is basically Bush Jr. in some regards also. Total bummer.

That's the problem with the American two party system. Democrats or Republicans, both groups are beholden to the corporate interests that REALLY run this country. I may share more ideological views with Democrats, but they're a bunch of passive aggressive pussies who will never get any real socioeconomic change done. Vote Republican? Are you fucking nuts? Really.

Too bad we don't live in a world where Jill Stein, the Green Party candidate for President, stands a chance of winning. I spent some time on Jill's website this past week looking over her stance on the issues and thought: THIS is the change we need in America. Check it out HERE.She won't win though. She doesn't stand a chance actually. Bummer. Major bummer. The American political system is broken. I'm tired of choosing between the lesser of two evils, between a douche and fucking turd. Choices like that, leave us with really no choice at all.

We need more choices on election day. REAL choices. Until that day comes, the sadly prophetic words of the late George Carlin with remain true:

Obama/Romney Rap Battle

I worked last night so, I'm catching up on the Presidential debate on youtube. No matter, this video is the only debate that matters:

Mitt Romney Rap: GOP/Mormon SWAG

This, is real. Not a joke. It's hilarious and frustrating but awesomely entertaining at the same time. If you're offended by ignorance and douche-baggery then you probably will laugh even harder at the laaaaaaame-O content of this video. You've been warned:

Aside from their piss poor rapping abilities, the dudes in this video suffer from what we call: Typical Swag Fag syndrome.

 Exhibit A)

Exhibit B)

So right off the bat, this video is cringe worthy/comedic gold. I think the worst/funniest thing about this, aside from their goofy attempts at being cool while simultaneously campaigning for Mitt Romney, is that they're serious.

A bunch of sheltered, over-privileged bros, rocking Ray-Bans and driving pickup trucks their parents probably paid for, who champion the tenets of conservative political ideology. It's funny and tragic that these people exist.

"Everyone in America needs to quit bitching, stop mooching and pull themselves up by their own bootstraps if they want to succeed in life...just like my parents did."

Voting Republican: MFW

I'm not the biggest fan of President Obama. In fact, I wish someone had some balls in the Democratic Party and issued a Primary challenge against him (just to spice things up). That being said, unless you're raking in over six figures a year, you've got to be certifiable to vote for the alternative, Republican candidate: Mitt Romney. The dude is the corporate shill of all shills. His humanity is non-existent. He was programmed by Skynet's greedy sister company, Buynet, and is quite literally, the Terminator for crony capitalism.   

"Uncle Bob??"

So you can imagine my reaction when I log onto facebook and see non-millionaires I know, clicking Mitt Romney's "like" button. It looked something like this:

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Conservative Rage

Abandon EARTH!

For those of you outside the USA, the Supreme Court just ruled that the Obama administration's Affordable Care Act (aka: Obamacare) is constitutional and apparently this ruling is the equivalent to one the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in right-wing political circles. The law would require a federal mandate for all citizens to purchase some form of health insurance (with tax rebates for those who can't afford it and expansion of state/federal assistance programs for the poor), granting the 30+ million uninsured Americans (who either can't afford coverage or don't qualify due to wonderful "pre-existing conditions") some form of safety net. This is hopefully the first of many steps meant to reform America's HORRIBLY BROKEN health care system.

I think this whole debate is a joke. Pretty much the rest of the modern world already has universal coverage and here we are trying to fight history/progress. It's like all of Earth has upgraded to broadband internet and us proud Americans disparately cling to our dial-up. Wake the fuck up. This Obamacare crap, which still panders to private (re: evil/corrupt) insurance companies is a half ass cop out. A band-aid on a bullet wound but hey, baby steps for the good ol' US of A right?

Political conservatives were outraged over the Supreme Court's decision. So outraged a number of them took to twitter and voiced their frustrations. These people were so disgusted by Obama and his socialist attack on their health care system, many of them threatened to move to Canada to escape his tyrannical rule once and for all. Move to Canada, to escape socialism. Canada...home of socialized health care.

That's the problem though. The discourse in this country is shattered. It's like trench warfare, WWI style. No side makes any progress and is content with shredding the other side to pieces. Nobody stops to think about how totally retarded the whole situation (including themselves!) have become.

In the wake of the decision, Republican's have directed their ire not at the wicked, Socialist/Kenyan/Muslim/Fascist/Communist/Democratically elected dictator aka President Obama, but at the turncoat "conservative" Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts whose swing vote allowed the Affordable Care Act to survive. Robert's was appointed by G.W. Bush and was for all intents and purposes, supposed to be "their boy," but low and behold the man actually took the oath of office he swore seriously, looked beyond petty political and ideological preferences and did his fucking job, you know...interpreting the Constitution, and because of this, he's a sell out/public enemy #1 to American conservatives. 

This shirt of Chief Justice Roberts is being sold on Glenn Beck's website.

Maybe we don't deserve this planet. I'm sure those polar bears swimming for dear life in the arctic would do a much better job running the show once we're gone. One can only hope...

Trayvon Martin Murdered: Something Is Wrong

murdered over Skittles.

So this story, about 17 year old Trayvon Martin being shot and killed by a overzealous neighborhood watch captain in Florida last week is about 3 weeks old now and the dude who murdered this kid has yet to be charged with a crime.

long video but here's a brief rundown:
-17 year old African American kid is walking to his dad's house from the store.
-He's carrying Skittles and a canned tea.
-Is confronted by an armed neighborhood watch captain (who's 10 years old/100lbs heavier).
-Ends up getting shot in the chest and dies.
-Shooter claims it was self defense.
-My brain explodes.

Heartbreaking. Infuriating. Tragic. Disgusting. All of the above.
The one and only Youtube sensation The Amazing Atheist has a video post about Trayvon Martin and other horrifically disturbing news headlines that remind us all how ass backwards we are as a species.


I don't enjoy being a Debbie Downer all the time but man, these types of headlines make me wish for Global Warming or that super volcano/Caldera under Yellowstone to kick into gear and end our fucked up reign of terror over this planet.

It's an election year here in the states, so we're about to be bombarded with all sorts of congratulatory, self righteous, nationalist propaganda that usually would just annoy the hell out of me. It's hearing that type of vapid rhetoric after being exposed to ugly truths like this that make me want puke.

I'm not all fire and brimstone though. I really think one day, in the future when humanity finally breaks free from the divisive/oppressive/exploitative shackles of organized religions and capitalism; we can all live together as happy little commies in a true Star Trek like utopia. But that's the distant future. If we don't nuke ourselves first.

I leave you with Detective Somerset:

Movie Review: Miss Bala

Beautiful girl caught in a ugly situation. It's always tragic, and Gerardo Naranjo's latest film exemplifies this adage to a tee. Miss Bala (or Miss Bullet, thanks Google translator) exposes the horrors of Mexico's long and bloody drug war, and the havoc it has reeked on the nation's innocent population for decades.

It ain't easy being sleazy

Newcomer Stephanie Sigman stars as Laura, a gorgeous young beauty pageant contestant who, by a cruel twist of fate, becomes the reluctant accomplice of a criminal drug lord. Sigman's performance is amazing. She literally carries the entire film on her shoulders and doesn't miss a beat. Not quite as mesmerizing as Elizabeth Olsen's turn in Martha Marcy May Marlene, but damn close. As the carnage of Miss Bala unfolds, Laura remains true to herself and tries to do what she believes is right. Putting the welfare of her friend and family before her own, Laura even tries going to the police, but doing what's right is next to impossible in Mexico's ultra corrupt landscape, completely engulfed in the cloud of it's drug war.

Naranjo's direction is superb. Although his script is a bit spartan, his choice of shots and most of all, his ability to create tension is amazing. From the disco hall massacre in the beginning, to the shoot out in the streets of Tijuana (very Michael Mann-ish a la Heat) and the final narco hotel attack scene, each of these action set pieces should have you at the edge of your seat. For large parts of the film, Naranjo's camera stays over Laura's shoulder. This allows for a disorienting, yet gripping fly on the wall perspective. The audience is as clueless as poor Laura, descending further into suspense and madness together. My only problem with this is, I started getting annoyed with the back of people's heads. When an actor's haircut starts intruding into the world of the film, I don't consider that a good thing.

I'd wife that

Either way, small grievance aside, Miss Bala is still a great film and accomplishes it's goal of shedding new light on Mexico's brutal drug war. In a world where cops and government officials can be bought and sold (even pageant officials as well!) no one is safe from the violence, rape, death and misery of Mexico's all encompassing narcotics trade. Not even a beauty queen.



*NOTE*
Thanks to DM over @ classy-films.com for giving me the heads up about this movie. Although I saw the trailer for Miss Bala before watching Shame, it was the blog post at classy-films that first peeked my interest. Thanks again!

The Answer Is...(5)

Just as Jim feared (wow, can't believe I went there), Mr. Pat Hatt's encyclopedic movie knowledge led him to another victory. Thankfully, he abbreviated his answer and allowed a few others to play in the reindeer games as well:

So congrats to G and Nicole as well as the unstoppable movie trivia juggernaut that is Pat Hatt on guessing correctly. Although nobody identified the film's title, their answers proved sufficient enough. The answer to the previous challenge was:

Stanley Kubrick's hilarious 1964 classic, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. The image I selected is of actress Tracy Reed. She plays General Turgidson's sexy secretary/mistress and also doubles as the film's Playboy centerfold, "Miss Foreign Affairs."

What can I say about Dr. Strangelove that hasn't already been said? It's one of Kubrick's finest works and easily stands as not only one of the funniest movies, but you know, one of the greatest films ever made. Nearly 50 years after it's release, Dr. Strangelove's morbid/black humor is as potent as ever. While the Cold War may have ended peacefully, the larger theme of Kubrick's ingenious satire still rings true, that of mankind's uncanny ability to favor irrationality/bat shit insanity over reason and common sense. The smartest species to ever walk the Earth, is also the only one dumb enough to destroy itself and the entire planet as well. It's so tragic/terrifying when you think about it, all you can do is laugh at the absurdity of it all. Thats exactly what Kubrick does in Dr. Strangelove.

awesomeness

The film centers around a paranoid Air Force commander named General Ripper who launches a nuclear attack against the Soviet Union because, well, he's bat shit insane. The President gathers his top military advisers and tries to figure out how to stop the strike and do damage control with the Russians before they retaliate and the entire world is annihilated by way of mushroom cloud. Unfortunately, mostly everyone on the case is either out of their minds or utterly incompetent. Peter Seller's is brilliant playing three different roles. His President Muffley is the ultimate bumbling bureaucrat while his Captain Mandrake character is the film's sole voice of reason. Sellers also plays the film's title character, the president's chief scientist, former Nazi brainiac Dr. Strangelove. Of course my favorite character is George C. Scott's General Turgidson. His character sets the template for modern Neo-Con Rupublican's foriegn policy, which is funny because he's the equivalent  of  Daffy Duck in a military uniform.

Again, even though the film is nearly half a century old, it's held up amazingly well. I think this serves as a testament to Kubrick's innovative directing. Even the cheesy split screen/model plane shots look cool! 50 years later and his work still seems contemporary. The film's cast is superb, Kubrick's direction flawless and two generations later, the satire/political commentary is still biting. If you haven't seen Dr. Strangelove, I emplore you to do so.

Trolling is an Art: Rick Perry for President

This is real:

Aside from this video being utterly hilarious, it's also kind of depressing. It's funny how Perry panders to the lowest common denominator within his party (re: GOP's "base") hoping to clench the Republican Presidential nomination for next years election by combining the two things conservatives hate/love the most, gays & Jesus' birthday, into one xenophobic ad. It's sad that here we are approaching 2012 and we don't have light sabers, jet packs or colonies on the moon, just good ol' fashioned bigotry. The more things change...

On the bright side, this video has something like 96,000 DISLIKES on Youtube as of now. It's only been up for a day and Perry's channel has been flooded with negative feedback over this thing. This causes me to laugh like no other. Why? Why would they post this type of add online? This isn't like buying airtime on some small backwoods morning news show. Either Perry's campaign is run by compete imbeciles, or the man is the greatest political Troll of our time. Neither would surprise me.

#OWS: People Are Strange

Did I say strange? I meant idiots. At least the people who partook in this 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll are.

They picked Ronald Reagan. Yes, when asked which president they would choose to steer the nation during these perilous economic times...they picked Ronald Reagan over FDR.

mfw

Now I'm not trying to hate on The Gipper. I could rant about how Reagan didn't win The Cold War, bring up the Iran-Contra Affair, his shameful stance on the AIDS epidemic, or his Gestapo tactics against UC students during his tenure as Governor of California...but I'm not going to do any of that. Besides, he liked jelly beans, Star Wars and was kind of senile, so I'll cut him some slack in those areas. What I can't do, is ignore the "voodoo economic" policies his administration implemented during the 1980's that set the field for the warm and fuzzy financial catastrophe we find ourselves in today.

Anyone? Anyone? Voodoo Economics...

Reagan's supply side economic polices, dubbed Reaganomics, were all about lowering taxes, cutting government spending, and deregulating the financial markets. This sound familiar? It's basically the play book from the recent GOP Presidential debates. The only problem is...it doesn't work. Tax cuts usually sound nice, but not when they primarily benefit the wealthy and places a disproportionate burden on those with lower incomes to basically fund the nation. Shrinking the size of government has it's appeal (less functions = less waste), but not when it means cutting services to the very people who are bankrolling the operation in the first place. As for deregulating the financial sector, is it ever a smart idea to reward a gambling junkie with unlimited, federally insured funds? Probably not, or in America's case, definitely not. So Reagan lifted some New Deal regulations and gave Wall Street a license to gamble, and almost bled the middle class dry:

(bonus points for Reagan's son disavowing his Father's handy work!)

So yes, let's bring Reagan back to guide us through this Great Recession. Hell, let's get Jefferson Davis to run the NAACP while we're at. I'm not surprised by the 68% of Republicans who voted for their boy Ronnie in that poll, but man, those 34% of Independents and especially the 16% of Democrats are just, well:

The thing that really gets my eyelids twitching is that Reagan finished above FDR. What the hell are they teaching people in schools? Didn't everyone learn about the Great Depression and Roosevelt's New Deal?! Or his wheel chair cage match with Hitler? No? Guess not =/

*NOTE*
I did kind of hate on Reagan a tad in this post. At least I didn't follow this dude's example!

9/11- A Decade Later

Why?

We all knew it was coming. The ten year anniversary of the September 11, 2001 tragedy. Ten years ago the world watched as thousands of innocent people died on live television. How many first responders risked their lives to help search for survivors and now find themselves on their deathbeds, battling strange cancers and respiratory diseases? What's the cost in dollars and more importantly, human life, from the subsequent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that stemmed from this single day?

No matter what you believe happened or who was responsible for 9/11, a tragedy is the best way to describe this event.

I could go on a long winded 9/11 Truth type rant here but I honestly don't have the energy for that right now. So while I'll spare you the conspiracy theory lecture, I'll end with this:

If there is a hell, I hope Dick Cheney enjoys his stay there when his pacemaker finally gives out. You got your "new Pearl Harbor" you bastard.

History FAIL

I'm a strange guy. I seem to enjoy things most people genuinely hate. From light speed death metal with blast beats at 250bpms (lul wat?), uber depressing films, abstaining from recreational drug & alcohol use, you hate it and I'll probably love it. It's always been this way though. Even as a kid I liked all the crap in school everyone else yawned at. Figures I would grow up and a get a useless BA in History (cum laude...but who's asking?).

So it always brings a smile to my face when I see people flub basic history facts. It especially warms my heart when I see Right-wing/holier than thou/"Real American" douche lords totally butcher their oh so cherished American history. In this day and age, with the power of the internetz, you can look up just about anything...and yet they FAIL regardless. Gotta love it.

Here's the always awesome Sarah Palin misspeaking about the exploits of Paul Revere.


Finally, it's Michele Bachmann's turn. She is the scarier upgrade to Palin's cutesy/batshit conservative persona. The T-1000 to Palin's T-800/Schwarzenegger if you will. Here she is re-imagining the nature of The United States of America's creation, that our nation was founded by noble abolitionist...children?


lulz. I love it. I really do.