Top 5 films of 2013

12 Years A Slave- Directed by Steve McQueen.

In a year full of great films, 12 Years A Slave stood out amongst the rest as one of the most important movies in recent memory. Chiwetel Ejiofor leads a brilliant cast, along with scene stealing turns from Paul Dano, newcomer Lupita Nyong'o and a genuinely frightening performance from Michael Fassbender that will leave viewers squirming in their seats for generations to come. McQueen's visceral, no nonsense direction creates an intense and bleak atmosphere that reflects the grim stain in American history the film depicts. A truly powerful film that will resonate through the ages.

Before Midnight- Directed by Richard Linklater

My most anticipated film of the year did not disappoint. If 12 Years A Slave hadn't brought the historical/social gravitas, Before Midnight would have reigned supreme as my favorite film of 2013. The latest in Richard Linklater's "Before" film series is a raw examination of adult relationships. Less romance, more melancholy and monotony but captivating all the same. The characters of Jesse and Celine have come along way from their starry-eyed first encounter in Before Sunrise. Unlike in previous chapters (of this... possibly the greatest trilogy ever?) it's not time that's their enemy, it's everyday life.

Her- Directed by Spike Jonze

I've always liked Spike Jonze. I grew up watching his music videos and commercials before I realized he was goofy Conrad from Three Kings. When I saw Adaptation, I was too young to fully understand his ingenious subtlety behind the camera but I knew something awesome was taking place onscreen. Well, Spike's latest film Her is nothing short of a masterpiece and I can say with confidence, Spike, I love you man. Joaquin Phoenix delivers another career defining performance as Theodore, a lovelorn writer who falls in love with his computer OS. This movie encapsulates the emotional weight of Nicolas Cage and Meryl Streep's elevator scene in Adaptation, but takes it into the stratosphere. A truly beautiful film.

The Place Beyond The Pines- Directed by Derek Cianfrance

The most overlooked film of the year? I think so. Derek Cianfrance's sprawling crime/family epic is one of the most emotionally jarring films of 2013. It's dark and morbid, but poetic and touching. Everyone in the large ensemble cast delivers great performances but Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper do the best work of their careers in this film. Say what you will about the plot or execution of this ambitious film, the acting, cinematography and musical score are untouchable and are all worth a viewing in their own right.

Pain & Gain- Directed by Michael Bay

A Michael Bay film that I didn't hate, let alone standing tall in my top 5 list?! Well, Pain & Gain is that good (in a horribly callous, despicable way) folks. This thoroughly deplorable yet jaw-droppingly funny film follows the real life exploits of quite possibly, the dumbest criminals in recorded history. Bay grabs this project by the horns and turns what would otherwise be a dark and twisted film into a tongue and cheek self aware eye wink to all the haters (such as myself) who have chastised the man since Pearl Harbor. Let it be clear that no one does lowbrow entertainment (juvenile humor, explosions) like Michael Bay. Hail to the king.


*HONORABLE MENTIONS*

2013 was an amazing year in cinema. I should have posted a top 10 list for all the great stuff I saw this year but for the sake of continuity, kept the top 5 tradition going. Anyways, here are the rest of my favorite films from last year:

Prisoners
Dark, Law & Order: SVU plot, with Jake Gyllenhaal's scene stealing performance/hair.

Pacific Rim
The most fun I had at the movies all year. In IMAX 3D or standard, Gypsy Danger rules in any format.

American Hustle
David O. Russel continues his streak of awesomeness. Enough said.

Spring Breakers
I will defend this film til my dying breath! James Franco and his neon lit femme fatales are amazing to watch.

Only God Forgives
Despite it's flaws, I simply could not stop thinking of Refn's latest film long after I left the theater. Don't agree with me? "Wanna fight?"

Check my Letterboxd profile for all things film related and reviews for my entire top 10:

Movie Review: The Spectacular Now

I haven't hated a movie in a long time. The Spectacular Now breaks this streak. As much as I disliked The Bling Ring, at least Sofia Coppola knows how to maneuver a fucking camera. The same can't be said for The Craptacular Now's director James Ponsoldt.

Where to begin? Well, like Public Enemy said, "Don't Believe The Hype." I guess that was my first problem. I figured a movie that both friends and critics raved about (with an astonishing 93% on Rotten Tomatoes! WTF?) must be good. Well fuck me for assuming. Had I gone into this screening blind, having only seen the trailer earlier this summer, I might have walked out merely disappointed...instead of fucking livid.

So what's up with this film? Why did The Spectacular Now rub me so raw? Well, the script is hokey (boring, contrived, lazy), the acting is bad (Characters? No. Caricatures? Yes.) and the direction is flat. Like, Kevin Smith "shooting two people in front of a wall talking," flat. I can handle lame dialogue/plot. I can tolerate ham-fisted performances, but if that's the case then at least give me something to look at dude. When a film drops the ball on all three levels, that's when I shut down and have Episode I flashbacks.

Smarmy Douche: The Movie.

The Spectacular Now follows an unlikeable punk named Sutter as he teeters on the brink of graduating high school and faces the grim realities of adulthood. Yeah, it's one of those movies. Only here, the protagonist is a smarmy douche who is so thoroughly unlikable I actually wished bodily harm upon his character. Sutter is a teenage alcoholic from a broken home who masks his inner pains with a court jester facade. He's supposed to be the fast talking, life of the party who woos the ladies and skates through life a la Ferris Bueller or Zack Morris but instead, he comes across as a sloppy John Cusack. He speaks in cliches and is more used car salesman than high school student. After breaking up with his girlfriend, Sutter meets Aimee, the only likable/believable human in the enter film. She's the shy, maidenly bookworm who shows Sutter that it's possible to breathe oxygen without acting like a cliched douche all the time. Props to actress Shailene Woodley for being this films only saving grace. Even with such a horrible script, she did her best. The rest of the cast? Lifetime movie of the week territory.

Don't get me wrong, it is possible to enjoy a film with unlikeable characters. Pain & Gain and Spring Breakers both centered on psychotic narcissists but were entertaining films because they didn't try to force the audience to relate to their asshole protagonists. Like I said before, if the plot and characters are fucked, you better have some sick visual style to win the viewer over with. Alas, The Spectacular Now fails here. Hardcore. I know this is a mega low budget indie film, but with today's technology, there is no excuse for such shoddy imagery on screen. The whole film just looks dark and dingy. Even Mud which takes place in a fucking swamp looked more pristine. I understand not every film can look as gorgeous as The Place Beyond The Pines, but if you want us to sympathize with a smarmy douche like Sutter, aka: the drunk driving captain of the world, how about some thought provoking/haunting shots like THIS huh?

So that's that. The Spectacular Now: the most infuriating movie of the summer. Remember what Chuck D said about hype? He was referring to this trailer.

Movie Review: Pain & Gain

First, it should be noted that I haven't enjoyed a Michael Bay film in fifteen years. Not since Bruce Willis commanded manly tears from audiences around the globe in 1998's Armageddon. That's a long fucking time ago. Sadly, the man who gave us Bad Boys and The Rock, went ape shit crazy once he got his hands on +$100 million film budgets. What followed was a series of unbelievable crap fests: Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II, The Island, and those god awful Transformer movies. I've basically spent the past decade avoiding Michael Bay films like the plague. With that being said, I now have a confession to make: Michael Bay's new film Pain & Gain was absolutely amazing. I seriously loved every minute of it.

Pain & Gain is Michael Bay's low budget (made on a "measly" $26 million) return to his roots. After spending most of the 2000's directing computer animated robots trashing major metropolitan cities, Bay wanted to get back to basics, shooting real actors in front of a camera in his backyard. Of course when you're an uber successful Hollywood mogul like Bay, your backyard is a ginormous mansion in Miami. Either way, Pain & Gain is easily one of the most ridiculous films I've ever seen, both in it's content and execution, and makes for one hell of a entertaining movie.

The Departed, pt2.

A gang of body building criminals who kidnap, extort and murder their way to riches already sounds ludicrous. Well, the film is based on real life events. Like Argo, this film is based on some crazy, asinine shit that is the embodiment of the phrase, truth is stranger than fiction. Mark Wahlberg plays gang leader, Daniel Lugo, and channels previous performances from Boogie Nights and Fear. Make no mistake, his character is a sadistic monster, but he's a loveable sadistic monster. Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock...wow, Bay cast a dude named after his 2nd film!) has never been more entertaining. Of all the dirt bags in this film, and there's a lot, he's the most loveable. He's an ex-con with a heart of gold, a Jesus freak who loves pumping iron and, an unabashed crack head. I told you, this movie is insane. Anthony Mackie is the final member of the gang who provides infinite amounts of comic relief with his perfect timing and delivery of lines. He's a steroid abuser who's dick stops working and he's got his penis on his mind 24/7.  Tony Shalhoub is great in his role as the film's "victim" but even his character is such a douche you can't help but secretly root for the body building scum bags (aka The Sun Gym Gang).

Honestly, as great as the cast is, Michael Bay is Pain & Gain's true star. His trademark action disorienting directing style, and uncanny eye for projecting iconic visuals onscreen take this already surreal tale to another level. The gratuitous use of slow motion, explosions, low angle shots implying alpha male dominance, explosions, the blatantly sexist objectification of women, more explosions, shoving the American flag in as many shots as possible, ridiculously saturated color schemes, and did I mention explosions already? These techniques are Michael Bay's bread and butter and his indulgence in them have made his recent films all but unwatchable...but Pain & Gain is a different story. It's like Bay woke up from a 15 year nap, more energized and refreshingly self aware. On this project, he's not just trashing his dimwitted protagonists, he's making fun of himself as well.  With Pain & Gain, Bay embraces the frat boy, former Victoria's Secret commercial director stymie detractors (myself included) have thrown at him over the years and he triumphantly responds by saying, "Sup?"

People are criticizing this film for glamorizing the real life tragedy that took place. I see their point but have to disagree. This film doesn't celebrate these imbeciles, instead it showcases and underscores the sheer ridiculousness of these events ever having happened, in a Don King, "...only in America!" kind of way. Some film critics are bashing Pain & Gain because they just love hating on Michael Bay and see this film as a poor man's version of Fargo.  I say this is Bay's Spring Breakers, but jacked on steroids. Welcome back Michael Bay. It's been too long man.