Tuesday, August 28, 2012

NSFW: Sexy Literature

Pornstars are, for the most part, physically attractive. Intelligence is a trait most people usually find attractive. So what would be cooler than a beautiful porn star reading? I know, I know...how about reading, while masturbating. Genius.

So here's Stoya, reading a passage from a book while trying to keep a straight face with a vibrator under the table. There's nothing too graphic or explicit in the clip but the content is still "adult" and warrants the NSFW warning:

Porn stars reading. Best thing since peas and carrots.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Iron Maiden @ Verizon Amphitheater, Irvine. 8/8/12.

Iron Maiden played two sold out concerts in Southern California a few weeks back. It was AWESOME. How does a band that's been around since the early 1980's continue selling records and playing to crowds of 30,000 people with little to no support from the mainstream media (radio/MTV)? Through word of mouth. That's Iron Maiden's secret, they've got 30+ years of positive word of mouth, generations of loyal fans that keep their popularity soaring. That and they're a damn amazing band.

This trek celebrated their Maiden England tour from 1988. Meaning they played a lot of material from their Seventh Son of a Seventh Son album. This is hardly my favorite Iron Maiden album but even when they play songs I'm whatever about, they still put on one hell of a show.

First things first. I gotta say that Bruce Dickinson is the fucking man. Really. This was my 7th time seeing Iron Maiden since 2004 and I'm pretty sure this was the most hyped up/energetic performance I've seen from him. Not only is Bruce an amazing singer, but he's such a badass frontman it's insane. He just turned 54 years old this month and yet, there he was: running, jumping, leaping, climbing and throwing that mic stand of his around like nothing. At one point I thought, "SLOW DOWN MAN!" When he stood like 6 inches away from the giant pyro bursts during "Number of the Beast" I seriously feared for his life. I could feel the heat from those flames way out in my lodge seats, he was literally inches away and he didn't flinch at all. Bruce Dickinson, I applaud you sir.

So the show was great. Not as amazing as their Somewhere Back In Time tour from 2008 (probably the coolest thing I'll ever see in life), but still damn good fun. The title track from Seventh Son is no "Rime of the Ancient Mariner", but it's still epic as hell in it's own right. I was stoked they played "The Clairvoyant," one of the most underrated Maiden songs IMO. My absolute highlight of the night was "Phantom of the Opera." The only time I've seen Maiden play that song before was at Ozzfest 2005 when that whole egg throwing incident went down, needless to say I was stoked to finally hear an interrupted version of the song! "Wasted Years" and "Aces High" got some pretty sweet responses from the crowd as well.

(not recorded by me, but by a lucky bastard on the next day's show)

The 15,000 people in attendance loved every second of this show. There were old dudes who've been Maiden fans since the early days, men in business attire holding their new Maiden shirts/merchandise on their arm, parents and young kids, teenagers, literally everyone and their mom came out to see Eddie and the boys. I don't go to church but I'd imagine it's something equivalent to that. Paying our respects to altar of Iron Maiden. So much fun...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Birthday Celebration

Hey there. I've been MIA this week. I was working like a mad man and then on Thursday, celebrated my 27th birthday. What does oldman river do on his birthday? Well I spent the day with my girlfriend at The Getty Center, had dinner with family and saw a movie with some friends. Yeah, party animal I know.

b-day @ The Getty. Gangsta
I've never been too found of birthdays. In fact I used to loathe them. I gotta say this year's celebration was pretty rad.

The Herb Ritts exhibition at The Getty was awesome. Something Jay would love for sure. My girlfriend spoiled me with a bunch of dvd's from Amoeba and then as we walked across the street to catch our movie we encountered a special someone in the lobby...Natalie Portman. Yes, the Female Obsession honoree from February 2012, Natalie Portman in the flesh.

I've encountered my fair share of random musicians and celebrities before, usually saying something casual like "hey" or just ignoring them all together and letting them do their thing, but seeing Portman standing 3 feet away from me was straight up insane. I was paralyzed. My usually silver tongue turned to mush and I went into Wayne Campbell mode, "WE'RE NOT WORTHY."

She was with her husband and they seemed to be running late to their movie. I wanted to call her Matilda/Padme/Jane/Nina, ask her about securing the rights to all those Metallica songs for the film Hesher she produced, inform her that I saw Black Swan at this same theater two year earlier, and show her my driver's license as proof that it was actually my birthday and if she could please just acknowledge my existence. I wanted to do all those things, but I choked. As we stood inline for snacks I managed to ask "What are you guys seeing?" as they passed by. Her husband answered with, "The Campaign..."

And like that, she was gone. I was kind of amazed Natalie Portman was rushing off to go see The Campaign of all movies. The ticket guy agreed. "We can't judge her" he said as we exchanged, OMFG I just saw Natalie Portman in person and she looked damn amazing in those giant heels banter with one another.

So yeah. Happy Birthday to me.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Awesome Photo (10)

I can see the title of this one already, Batman: Generations. How rad is this? I mean, Adam West's campy Batman hogging all the glory up front (Batman, enjoying himself?? You don't say...). The Tim Burton Batman is a dead ringer for Michael Keaton. Thankfully, Schumacher's Batso has his nipples covered and LOL at Nolan's grumpified/Bale crime fighter still pissed and serious chilling by the pool ("WHERE ARE THEY?!?!??!"). I'm not sure about the last one, looks like a flesh and blood version of Frank Miller's Batman from The Dark Knight Returns though.

So...who's your favorite Batman? Which comic/film/cartoon/video game version is your Dark Knight of choice?

Friday, August 10, 2012

Balls of Steel Award goes to...

This crazy ass dude from Ukraine doing pull-ups 360+ feet in the air. Fucking HELL this dude is insane.
Wow. See those headphones in his ear? I wonder what he's listening to? What could possibly get him stoked enough to accomplish this?

Monday, August 6, 2012

Case of the Mondays: Office Space/ The Matrix mashup

It's Monday. For most people this means going back to work. For me, it's more like my Thursday since my next day off is Wed. Either way, I don't think anyone likes Mondays, anywhere on Earth. Here's a cool video mixing Office Space and The Matrix to help ease the work place monotony everyone feels at the beginning of the week:

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


This burger kicked my ass. Thoroughly kicked. Bacon, caramelized onion, BBQ sauce, meat & cheese on Hawaiian Roll (more like 4 rolls). I'll be in a food coma for the considerable future if you need me. If I don't awaken, the culprits can be found HERE.