Female Obsession: Maria Menounos

ALL HAIL

As much as I love to bash the tenets of organized religion and long for the day when society comes to its senses and leaves Christianity back in the Middle Ages where it belongs...every time I see Maria Menounos I stop and realize that God must exist. A creature of such beauty must surely be the work of our divine creator. In other words, I say OH LAWD!

Menounos, a teenage beauty pageant contestant turned journalist, spent most of the past decade working for Access Hollywood and other sleazy tabloid programs, while nabbing roles in the occasional shitty film like Fantasic Four or Kicking It Old School and hosting various award/reality shows. This always saddens me, because Menounos ( I love saying her last name) is smart, funny, athletic and insanely gorgeous. IMO, she should be queen of the damn universe, but alas, she wallows in mediocrity. Thankfully, the power of the interweb allows me to worship at the altar of Menounos any time I please.
Here are some photos Menounos being amazing.

I even love the way she pumps gas

This is the legendary Maria Menounos/Howard Stern tickle chair video. Warning, EPIC JIGGLING AHEAD:

Howard Stern- Maria Menounos: kitzeln - MyVideo


Menounos body is what you might call a "double threat." She's in possession of both features that men crave like rabid Nazi Zombies....

DAT EVERYTHING

Maria's looks coupled with her intellect and non-bitchy disposition earn her a high spot on my list of Female Obession's. Praise the LAWD.

*(not so)BREAKING NEWS

Despite her futile attempts in this video, the world has now seen the glory that is Maria Menonous' vagina. View the uncensored pics of this miraculous gift HERE.

Top 5 Films of 2010

So here's my top 5 favorite films of 2010. I usually like to gauge my favorites by story/plot (the more bizarre the better!), acting performance then technical stuff like cinematography, special effects, camera shots, etc. The most important thing however, is how long each film stayed with me after...or how long until I could stop thinking about what I had just saw. Interesting note, I saw four of these movies twice in the theater.

Black Swan- directed by Darren Aronofsky
This is the movie that best embodies all the criteria listed above. From the insane story arch, great acting and most of all, Aronofsky's use of handheld cameras during the dance sequences, Black Swan ruled 2010.

The Social Network- directed by David Fincher
In my original review of The Social Network I said: "Is this my favorite film of the year? Definitely not. Is it a damn good movie worth seeing? Yes." Well, I'm now comfortable removing the "definitely not" line and replacing it with "almost." The plot is interesting but kind of "eh," it's everything else about this movie that's amazing.

The Fighter- directed by David O. Russel
Christian Bale. Christian fuckin' Bale. Dude steals the show, brings the house down, knocks it out of the park, etc etc. He and Amy Adams are bound to be nominated (and damn well better win) for Best Supporting Actor/Actress for their roles in The Fighter. Watching these two on screen is worth the price of admission alone.

Toy Story 3- directed by Lee. Unkrich
I swear until the Oscar buzz movie blitz took place in Nov., Toy Story 3 was my favorite film of the year. Black Swan was the only other film to leave me as drained as Woody and Buzz Lightyear's last hurray on the big screen. I like to consider myself a pretty desensitized bastard, but I'm not afraid to admit Toy Story 3 had me damn close to tears, TWICE. Nostalgia aside, it's still a damn fine escape/chase movie.

Inception- directed by Christopher Nolan
Nolan's steps up his usual cinematic mind-fuckery to a whole new level. This film makes his earlier head scratchers like Memento and The Prestige  seem as simplistic as a Dumb and Dumber. Too bad the film's style (amazing visuals and score) overshadows some of the film's substance (some wooden performances...Rubik's cube plot). Despite this, it's still a must see, jaw dropping film.

Top 5 Concerts of 2010

Out of the 24 concerts I attended in 2010 (real professional/touring bands not friends or locals) here are my 5 favorite shows from last year:

Weezer @ The Gibson Amphitheatre, Universal City. 11/27/10.
I just posted a lengthy review of this show last week. TLDR, Weezer played their album Pinkerton all the way through and I shat bricks.


Converge/Coalesce/Gaza @ Chain Reaction, Anaheim, 5/17/10.
I went to both SoCal stops on this tour but Chain Reaction's show was INSANE. Watch the clip below and see the wave of stage divers and dudes literally walking on other dudes. First time seeing Gaza live also =p


The Black Dahlia Murder/Obscura @ The Roxy, Hollywood. 3/6/10.
I marveled at Obscura's amazing technical musicianship, and lost my mind (old guys can't stage dive....can we?!) during BDM's high energy set.


Interpol @ Space 15 Twenty, Hollywood. 9/7/10.
Their new album may have sucked, but watching a huge band like Interpol play a free show in a parking lot is something that doesn't happen too often.


Suffocation/Goatwhore @ The House of Blues, Hollywood. 2/12/10.
Both bands were opening acts for some lame metal band I shall not name, but man, combined they put on one hell of a show! This was the best Suffocation performance I'd seen in years and Goatwhore got a huge response from the crowd. This quality of this clip is horrible, but I like seeing myself looking retarded near the front of the stage so I'm gonna go ahead and post it.

Top 10 Albums of 2010

Here's the listing of my favorite albums from 2010. Not necessarily the best or greatest but the ones that left the biggest impact on me and warranted the most repeated listens. Not ranked in numerical order, all rule pretty hard (IMO). I selected a few youtube clips of some of the less extreme stuff for all you normal people to (try and) enjoy. Feel free to take listen:

The Dillinger Escape Plan- Option Paralysis

Dillinger's trademark math metal attack is more refined, while their avant-garde Mike Patton-isms shine even brighter. New drummer Billy Rhymer does not disappoint.


Nails- Unsilent Death


















Raw and dirty powerviolence tinged grindcore. Less than 15 mins long, but epic as fuck.

Starkweather- This Sheltering Night

Mind-bending. Amazing musicianship coupled with the most insane vocal performance of the year. THIS is what it sounds like when those invisible insects start crawling under your skin.

Julie Christmas- The Bad Wife


















The singer for Made Out of Babies solo debut. At times it's heavy, beautiful and a tad bit creepy. Everything I've come to love about Julie. Here's her cover of a Dusty Springfield classic:


Withered- Dualitas

A haunting slab of sludgy black metal. This album confirms it, Withered deserve to be much higher in the current pantheon of Georgia based metal bands.

Daughters- Daughters

If Danzig hijacked a circus while on acid, it would sound like Daughter's self titled album.


Clinging To The Trees of a Forrest Fire- Songs of Ill Hope and Discontent

Easily, the nastiest, most pissed off album of the year. Re-read the album's title (or the band's name for that matter) and take the first horrid image that comes to mind and multiply that 10x...but with blast beats and growls/shrieks over it.

Triptykon- Eparistera Daimones

Tom G. Warrior strikes again! For those of you who liked (or remember) my Crunch Time: Celtic Frost post, you might fancy Tom's latest project's debut album. Dark, heavy and full of future Crunch Time riffs for sure.


Immolation- Majesty and Decay

One of the most consistent/innovative death metal bands around, Immolation continue their streak of releasing astoundingly heavy yet thought provoking slabs of brutality. Really, where do they get these time signatures and melodies from?

Arcade Fire- The Suburbs

I am rarely able to rank my favorite albums during these compilations but this record was the closest I've come to "ALBUM OF THE YEAR" in a while. If it weren't for the two filler songs toward the end, this would have been a flawless front to back album. Arcade Fire are huge so feel free to search the interwebz for the heaps of critical acclaim The Suburbs has received.

*Special Note*
There were a lot of great EPs released this year but two of them tied for my favorite:
Torche- Songs For Singles
&
Beneath the Massacre- Maree Noire
both of which I've already blogged about. Click the links for my previous posts about these awesome EPs.

1st post of 2011

Start the year off with some Municipal Waste! Lol @ Dave Witte playing drums in the shopping cart.