Movie Review: Under The Skin

Under The Skin did not live up to the title's namesake. Instead, this film just got on my nerves.

Under The Skin has been hyped as astounding, director Jonathan Glazer proclaimed a visionary and comparisons to 2001: A Space Odyssey  have even been tossed around for good measure, because who doesn't love Kubrick references? Well, after seeing the film I couldn't help but think of Sen. Lloyd Bentsen's epic, "You're no Jack Kennedy" line. Mr. Glazer, you're no Stanley Kubrick bro.

Don't get me wrong, Under The Skin does have flashes of genius sprinkled throughout it's (grueling) nearly two hour run time, but those moments are few and far between. Scarlett Johansson stars as a seductive alien who cruises the streets of Scotland looking for gullible/horny men to abduct. Johansson shines in her role as a sexy space Terminator who carefully studies and mimics her human victims.

Scarlett's performance is easily the highlight of the film and serves as the direct antithesis of her turn in last year's Her, where she played a sentient computer operating system who longed to feel apart of, and eventually surpassed, humanity. In Her, Johansson was a voice without a body while in Under The Skin, she plays a nameless, nearly silent, extraterrestrial who uses it's female-ish facade to communicate through intense stares and physical touch. Glazer uses his star's striking beauty to propel the film, a woman with Johansson's features truly does feel alien compared to the rest of the cast (comprised of first time, non actors) and the film's setting. The bizarre abduction/seduction scenes feature some of the gnarliest visuals I've ever seen before, and Glazer's penchant for fly on the wall, voyeuristic realism can be truly haunting.

That being said, a handful of cool visuals and even mesmerizing moments like the baby on the beach scene aren't enough to save this film. Under The Skin is simply too minimalist for it's own good. I'm talking bare bones storytelling to the point where there's literally no story. I could do without dialogue, I could do without fancy Hollywood trickery, I don't mind being challenged by a film but Glazer's latest movie is just too much...and by that I mean not enough. Under The Skin crumbles under it's own flimsy, haphazard narrative. Mystique and intriguing quickly devolves into pompous and boring. The dozen or so moments of visual brilliance are sandwiched between uneventful and downright lazy camera work. Even Scarlett Johansson going full on, full frontal couldn't resuscitate this film's pulse. What a shame. Congratulations to Mr. Glazer, he's successfully crafted the definitive fish out of water, alien flick...for aliens.

Movie Review: Her

Her is the most poignant and strangely inspirational film I've seen in some time. Spike Jonze's latest film is a lovelorn masterwork that will resonate with anyone who has ever used a smart phone and who still has blood pumping through their veins. In the not too distant future, society's struggles and hardships are quelled by the wonders of technology, but instead of standing together in triumph, people are isolated and miserable. The financial and economic woes that plagued mankind for millennia have given way to existential crises and the dissolution of intimacy. It's a frightening paradox and makes for a heartbreaking viewing experience.

Joaquin Phoenix plays Theodore, a writer and hopeless romantic in the throes of a bitter divorce. He wonders the streets of futuristic Los Angeles completely immersed in the world of his personal computer (think: iPhone 50) like all the other blank faced automatons in the city. When Theodore purchases a new operating system with artificial intelligence, he quickly forms a bond with his OS, who names itself "Samantha," and begins to turn his life around. Phoenix's portrayal of poor Theodore is nothing short of amazing. Because this is a movie about a dude who's in love with a computer, Phoenix is alone for the majority of the film and does all the onscreen heavy lifting himself. He's melancholy and pathetic, he's joyful and hilarious, he's neurotic and vulnerable all at once. Scarlett Johansson provides Samantha's smokey voice and does a great job making a creepy omnipresent machine sound like something you'd want to wake up next to in the morning. Rooney Mara continues her streak of pants shitting-ly terrifying performances ( The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Side Effects) and Amy Adams is brilliant as Theodore's quirky friend and neighbor in a role that's a complete 180 from her character in American Hustle but she shines just as bright. 

Technically and thematically, Her is simply a gorgeous film to behold. The team Jonze assembled to bring his tragically sterile future world to life deserves all the praise they're receiving and more. Cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema and costume designer Casey Storm create a cheerfully drab Apple Store/American Apparel looking society, devoid of dust, excitement, and denim. The film's inspirational music is brought to you by Arcade Fire and Karen O of The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, and Phoenix delivers one of the most captivating performances of his career. All that, plus the deep philosophical themes Her touches upon, this film is just ridiculously good on so many levels it's not even funny. Speaking of funny, although heartbreaking and tragic, Her has several flat out hilarious scenes. Like side splitting laughter. So prepare your tear ducts, secure your funny bone, and say goodbye to your smart phone because you'll probably never look it the same way again after you see this movie. Her is without question, one of the best films 2013 has to offer.

Movie Review: American Hustle

David O. Russell, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...The Fighter, Silver Linings Playbook and now, American Hustle. This cinematic hat-trick of his is mind boggling. How this man keeps cranking these amazing films out in such rapid succession is awe inspiring. American Hustle continues Russell's awesome streak and reunites the casts from his last two films, throws Jeremy Renner and a wicked pompadour into the mix and lets the kinetic sparks fly.

While watching American Hustle, I couldn't help but compare it to another madcap shiester film set in the 1970's, Martin Scorsese's 1990 masterpiece, Goodfellas. Normally, comparing another film to Goodfellas would be a death sentence, but American Hustle is so dazzling, it often feels like a kindred spirit to Scorsese's mobster classic.

Christian Bale plays Irving Rosenfield, a soft spoken con-artist who, along with his gorgeously manipulative partner in crime Sydney (Amy Adams), gleefully dupes people out of their money during the grimey landscape that was the post-Vietnam/Watergate America of the late 1970's. They run afoul of a zealous FBI agent (Bradley Cooper) who plans to use the smooth talking duo to entrap politicians and other high profile figures to further his own career. That's the film in a nutshell. The con-men get conned by the feds, who force them to con other scam artists in a massive corruption ring, but they have to outwit the FBI in order to stay alive or the people who they are trying to con will...exhausted yet? This film's plot is like a carousel on ecstasy. The story is constantly spinning, with gorgeous lights, or in this case, amazing performances and Russell's brilliant direction, blinding you at every turn.

There's also some biting social commentary going on in American Hustle, highlighting the corruption within our nation's political and financial institutions and how the perversion of the American dream has created a perplexing role reversal between traditional heroes and villains. The message is there, blanketed by Bale's amazingly tactful performance, Adam's uber seductive screen presence, and the most glorious soundtrack of the year. David O. Russell strikes again, what else is there to say?

Movie Review: Thor- The Dark World

Christmas came early folks. Thor: The Dark World is everything my inner seven year old wanted to see and more. If you didn't already know, Thor Odinson has been my favorite comic book character for the last two decades. Watching the first Thor movie on the big screen was surreal. Sure, he spent half the film trapped in mortal form on Earth, but the Asgard scenes and the finale on the rainbow bridge were exquisite. Also, the fight between Thor and Hulk in Avengers remains the greatest thing I've ever experienced in life. srs bro.

So Thor 2 has more of Thor being Thor. He's learned from his experiences in Marvel's phase one films and is no longer seeking his father's approval and trying to earn his stripes. No, from the first moments of The Dark World he's established as Asgard's #1 ass kicker extraordinaire. He controls the elements, flys with mjolnir at breakneck speeds, dukes it out with super strong baddies, woos the ladies and lays the smack down across the nine realms. It's glorious.

Speaking of glorious. Loki is back. Yes, the coolest villain in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Thor's pesky brother (albeit, adopted) returns and once again, almost steals the entire film with his nefarious grin and treacherous schemes. He's like Hannibal Lecter and Health Ledger's Joker combined, but with better hair. Lady Sif has a slightly larger role than in the first film which is good because Jamie Alexander is gorgeous and I'd love to see them explore the love triangle between her, Jane and ol' Goldilocks himself, but alas, she had to go and damn near break her break back while filming the movie. I'm sure that nasty accident put a damper on her screen time. The Dark Elves are worthy successors in terms of villains but are still a bit underwhelming.They're as menacing as the Frost Giants from the first film, but seem more like disposable enemies ala the Putty Patrol from Power Rangers.

I guess my only gripe with Thor 2 is that it's not all that original. Some of the Dark Elf tech looks straight out of Prometheus, even their leader Malekith looks like an Engineer with a ponytail. Also, many of the films gags (and there are tons of them) although hilarious, feel a bit recycled. I'm guessing the Marvel/Disney overlords decided to play it safe with this one and expand upon the safest elements of Thor's mythos. There's more special effects, more interplay between the realms, more action, more comedy, more (February 2012 Female Obsession honoree) Natalie Portman & Kat Dennings, more more more of everything.

Deep down, I was hoping Thor: The Dark World didn't suck, because the last thing I wanted to do was sacrifice my cinephile street cred for my knee jerk comic book fanboy love at first sight reaction to Thor wrecking shit with his hammer. I mean, I saw how pathetic those Man of Steel defenders looked trying to vouch for such a horrible film. I didn't want to be that guy. Thankfully, Thor 2 is a wickedly fun movie. No it's not perfect and suffers from pacing issues as well as something I like to call, CGI overload, but overall it's a good action/adventure/comic book movie. It's the type of summer blockbuster we should have got earlier in the year. I mean, how serious can a film about a caped god who swings a magic hammer really be? Thor: The Dark World knows exactly what it is and continues the awesome intergalactic soap opera that is the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe....duh) in fine fashion. For Asgard!

Movie Review: Don Jon

Joseph Gordon-Levitt strikes again folks. His new film Don Jon is a thoroughly entertaining romp, a bit on the raunchy/NSFW side, but enjoyable nonetheless. Some might find the film's crass subject matter tasteless (spoiler: it's about the interplay between relationships, sex and porn) but amidst a sea of mediocre films all trying to ape Judd Apatow comedies, Don Jon's abrasiveness is like a breath of fresh air. A ballsy, R-rated film, meant for adults that doesn't dilute it's vision for mass appeal dollars. This alone is enough reason to champion this flick.

Anyways, Levitt stars as Don Jon, a smug Jersey Shore type whose lady killer prowess is renowned far and wide. To say he simply "get's girls" would be an understatement. Through the power of montage, we learn that Jon slams different hot chicks (always between "8's and 10's") on a daily basis. But alas, Jon has a unnerving addiction to internet pornography that actually impedes his enjoyment of real sex. As the film goes on, you see just how fucked up Jon's situation is. He's not as depraved as poor ol' Fassy in Shame, but in the same league for sure. May 2012 Female Obsession inductee, Scarlett Johansson, plays his uptight, but drop dead gorgeous girlfriend, who doesn't take kindly to her new beau's addiction to smut. We watch as not only Jon's relationship begins to crumble, but his very outlook on life as well. Julianne Moore and Tony Danza, holy shit Tony Danza, deliver standout performances that help push Don Jon from simply "entertaining", to the realm of "pretty damn good."

chick flicks = girl porn

Ultimately, everything about Don Jon goes back to Levitt. The man pulls a triple threat as the film's writer, director and main star. His acting is solid, like usual, and his direction, with his frequent use of jump cuts and montages seems a little Goodfellas/Scorsesse-ish, but it's his writing talents that really shine throughout the film. The dialogue feels authentic, which undoubtedly helped the already talented cast deliver such great performances, and just the idea for the movie alone, taking the piss out of our fantastical views of sex and personal relationships, was brilliant. Kudos to JGL for crafting such a solid debut film, and the Tony Danza/ Angels in the Outfield nostalgia trip.

Female Obsession: Amy Adams

Amy Adams is amazing. She's beautiful, is a talented actress and has an amazing singing voice. None of this is news though. What is news is that Adams, a petite woman with hypnotic green eyes, is also, absolutely terrifying. I'll get to that later.

Amy Adams first came to my attention in Spielberg's 2002 film, Catch Me If You Can. She played the sweet love interest duped by Leonardo Dicaprio's conman character. I really liked this movie (probably the last Spielberg flick I've raved about) and even though this was Adams big break into the industry (she did some musical theater, worked at Hooters, and starred in b-movie classics like Psycho Beach Party before hand) I still wasn't too wowed with her and she kind of drifted off my radar.

Then came Enchanted. Words cannot describe how much I love this movie. It took the awesomeness of all the Disney Renaissance flicks I enjoyed as a kid and merged them into a live action film, Who Framed Roger Rabbit style. Amy Adams nailed the naive Disney princess thing to a friggin' tee. I was already a grown ass dude but I couldn't help but fall in love with the songs, and more specifically, Amy Adam's  voice.


She may have stolen my heart as a saccharine princess, but Amy Adams earned my respect for her work in 2010's The Fighter. She played Mark Wahlberg's ultra tough/supportive working class girlfriend, who battles drunks and bitchy females alike, and proved she truly was a gifted actress and not just a pretty face (and voice!). Adams did more cutesy song and dance stuff in The Muppets (which I also loved).

MASTER! MASTER!

Well, the Amy Adams Enchanted high has come and gone. She's still gorgeous and unquestionably a great actress, but after seeing her performance in PTA's latest film, The Master, I am in absolute awe of her. The way an ant trembles at the sight of human shoes, that was my reaction to Amy Adam's commanding performance in The Master. She plays Philip Seymour Hoffman's wife, the woman who pulls the strings, through domineering stares and twisted sexual manipulation, behind the film's enigmatic and seemingly all knowing & powerful cult leader. This performance makes her gritty character in The Fighter seem like, well, a Disney princess. 

Gorgeous. Talented...and now: Terrifying. HA. No, we can't go out with that. Just because Amy Adams is capable of scaring the bejeezus out of us doesn't mean she's frightening. In fact, she actually seems really down to Earth and funny. *Swoons*

Clip of Amy being adorable:


...and now, pics of Amy looking gorgeous:

Birthday Celebration

Hey there. I've been MIA this week. I was working like a mad man and then on Thursday, celebrated my 27th birthday. What does oldman river do on his birthday? Well I spent the day with my girlfriend at The Getty Center, had dinner with family and saw a movie with some friends. Yeah, party animal I know.

b-day @ The Getty. Gangsta

I've never been too found of birthdays. In fact I used to loathe them. I gotta say this year's celebration was pretty rad.

The Herb Ritts exhibition at The Getty was awesome. Something Jay would love for sure. My girlfriend spoiled me with a bunch of dvd's from Amoeba and then as we walked across the street to catch our movie we encountered a special someone in the lobby...Natalie Portman. Yes, the Female Obsession honoree from February 2012, Natalie Portman in the flesh.

I've encountered my fair share of random musicians and celebrities before, usually saying something casual like "hey" or just ignoring them all together and letting them do their thing, but seeing Portman standing 3 feet away from me was straight up insane. I was paralyzed. My usually silver tongue turned to mush and I went into Wayne Campbell mode, "WE'RE NOT WORTHY."

She was with her husband and they seemed to be running late to their movie. I wanted to call her Matilda/Padme/Jane/Nina, ask her about securing the rights to all those Metallica songs for the film Hesher she produced, inform her that I saw Black Swan at this same theater two year earlier, and show her my driver's license as proof that it was actually my birthday and if she could please just acknowledge my existence. I wanted to do all those things, but I choked. As we stood inline for snacks I managed to ask "What are you guys seeing?" as they passed by. Her husband answered with, "The Campaign..."

And like that, she was gone. I was kind of amazed Natalie Portman was rushing off to go see The Campaign of all movies. The ticket guy agreed. "We can't judge her" he said as we exchanged, OMFG I just saw Natalie Portman in person and she looked damn amazing in those giant heels banter with one another.

So yeah. Happy Birthday to me.

Female Obsession: Scarlett Johansson

I'm usually a fan of brunettes. In fact if you've kept track of all my past Female Obsession inductees, you might notice the lack of blondes (save for Kristen Bell, of course). Well, it's time to break the streak with the one and only, Miss Scarlett Johansson.

Nerd Swoon

Scarlett first came to my attention in 2003's Lost In Translation. She was so unconventionally gorgeous in that film. The movie opens with shot of Scarlett wearing pink sheer panties. That's one hell of an introduction if you ask me. A friend of mine let me borrow Ghost World shortly after, that's when I truly jumped on the Scarlett Jo bandwagon. She was only 16 when she made this movie, playing an awkward teen outcast to perfection, but this is the film that made me realize she was more than just a pretty face and was an actual, talented actress.

So Scarlett's career exploded in the 2000's. She became a big huge movie star, working with A-list directors like Woody Allen (Match Point, Vicky Christina Barcelona), Christopher Nolan (The Prestige) Cameron Crowe (We Bought a Zoo) and Michael Bay (The Island....well, you can't win them all!). Aside from her main acting gig, she also SINGS, and does some modeling on the side. Small endorsements for little mom and pop brands like Dolce & Gabbana, Calvin Klein, Dior, Louis Vuitton. Nothing major.

Scarlett was married to Ryan Reynolds, star of the "hit" TV show Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place and blockbuster film, Green Lantern, from 2008 to 2010. They officially divorced in 2011, the same year nude photos of Scarlett were hacked/stolen from her email account. Sucks Miss Jo had to go through such a messy ordeal, but deep down all her pervy fans across the globe rejoiced.

Russian Spy FTW

I'd say Scarlett has bounced back pretty well though. Just yesterday she received her very own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and now, stars as Black Widow in Marvel's newest film The Avengers (aka THE MOVIE I'VE WAITED FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE!) which is sure to be one of the biggest films of the year.

Here are some photos of Scarlett looking amazing:

I'll leave you with this video of Scarlett being adorable.


*BONUS SCARLETT JO OVERDOSE CLIP*
The single greatest achievement in the history of mankind:

Female Obsession: UPDATE

I have scientific evidence proving just how popular my Female Obsession series is here on this ol' blog of mine. All of my top posts ever, as well as a hefty amount of this site's traffic has been because of the lovely ladies I celebrate/worship/ogle. This post will get us up to speed with what some of my previous Female Obsession honorees are up to nowadays.


Kristen Bell: December 2010

The lovely Miss Bell now stars in House of Lies on Showtime. She also was the subject of an awesome viral video from an appearance on Ellen. This clip has something like 10 million+ views!


Kourtney Kardashian: August 2011

Kourtney is pregnant once again with child#2 from her Patrick Bateman wannabe boyfriend =/ Still looks good though!

Kelly Brook: January 2011

 Earlier this year Kelly launched her a new line of lingerie that she designed herself. Best part is, she also decided to model them as well =p

Lucy Liu: October 2011

Lucy joined the cast of TNT's acclaimed cop drama Southland. She's super fired up on this show and looks damn good in that uniform also.


Vanessa Hudgens: April 2011

Vanessa starred in 2012's Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. I didn't see this flick (naturally) but she looked cute as hell in the trailer. Hudge is also filming a new movie with the mighty Selena Gomez that I shall be blogging about VERY soon...

Maria Menounos: January 2011 (yeah I did two installments that month....sue me)

Maria's been quite the busy bee these past few months. She made headlines when she stripped down to her bikini on her TV show Extra after losing a Super Bowl bet. Then she was rumored to have seduced Mr. Holy Roller himself, former Denver Bronco's quarterback Tim Tebow. Of course now Maria is on the latest season of Dancing With The Stars.

Yes, I even love her goofy laugh.

Female Obsession: Natalie Portman

Oh Portman. Beautiful, intelligent,  and one hell of an actress. Is there anything she can't do? I think Episode I was probably my first time seeing Natalie Portman on the big screen. Not her finest hour, but then I saw Leon: The Professional on DVD. I was SOLD. I've kept up with my Natalie (or Portman as I affectionately refer to her) ever since.

Although born in Israel, Portman moved to the states when she was a toddler. While attending school, she performed with local theater groups before getting her big break in 1994's The Professional, at the ripe old age of 13. If you've never seen Leon: The Professional....shame on you! It's an awesome little movie about a hitman and his relationship with a 12 year old girl. It's violent, funny, touching and even a little creepy at times, but it's Natalie Portman's debut film performance and therefore, a must see!

she wants to clean

I could go on about Natalie's adorable performance in Beautiful Girls, or her snarky turn in Mars Attacks!, but I'm trying to stay out of Chris Hansen territory so, let's just talk about Star Wars. George Lucas cast Natalie Portman as Padme in the Star Wars prequel trilogy of utter crap and almost ruined her entire career. Natalie's first two acting roles showed she had chops, pity that none of that was needed for her character in Episode I-III. Dear Lord, a malfunctioning T-800 Terminator could show more depth. It's not her fault though, I really think Natalie tried her best with this role it's just, the dialogue man! That and the plot. Alright, let's NOT talk about Star Wars.

Luckily, Portman was able to bounce back with films like Garden State, Closer, and V For Vendetta. Oh yeah, and she was also going to Harvard during this time. She graduated with her BA in psychology in 2003. Movie star, Harvard grad and as of 2011, Academy Award winner. Oh yes, Portman won the Oscar for Best Actress for her role as Nina in Black Swan.

Harvard Grad/Oscar Winner

In 2011 Natalie Portman gave birth to son. Yes, little Mathilda from The Professional is now a mom. Crazy, since I've been into Portman since I was a young lad myself. Time flies, yet Portman keeps getting better. Here are some photos of her hotness throughout the years:

And now, the greatest moment in Natalie Portman history:





*Bonus Portman Overdose clip*
Natalie Portman, growing up before your eyes on The Late Show w/ David Letterman.

Top 5 Blog Posts of 2011

The books are now closed on 2011. Time to go back and see what was what in the year. I plan on doing my a  best of albums/movies/concerts post in the near future. But first,  I present my Top 5 Blog Posts of 2011:


The results speak for themselves. Sexy ladies is where it's at folks. Of all the crap I've ranted and raved about during my first year (er...15 months) here at Jim's Fear, my Female Obsession series is the most popular.

pervs. the lot of you.

*NOTE* Although Kristen Bell's Female Obsession is from 2010, I'm still including it because:
1) I love her.
2) It's from December 2010 and since I started my blog last fall, I'm counting everything from my first 15 months as part of year one.

1st place- Miss January 2011

2nd Place- Miss July 2011

3rd Place- Miss December 2010

4th Place- Miss May 2011

5th Place- Miss August 2011

Oh Kelly Brook. On top of the heap, with that massive poofed up hair...like the Lion Queen of sexiness! As you can tell, the love of ladies here at Jim's Fear knows no bounds. Black, White, Asian, Armenian, it's all good. We (meaning I) do not discriminate here when it comes to Female Obsession.

Of course I'm partial to ALL my Female Obsession ladies. If I wasn't, I would never have blogged about them in the first place. I really wish my Maria Menounos installment got more love though =/ ohhh wells. I still love you Maria. 

So there it is. Again, all the past installments of Female Obsession can be found HERE for all you new kids on the blog who want to catch up and see what all the fuss is about. Thanks for all the support this year.

*NOTE*
Curious...do you agree with the rest of the internet? Do you wish Vanessa Hudgens or Lucy Liu cracked the top 5 instead? Who are your favorite Female Obsession honorees from last year? Feel free to share the love in the comments down below.