IRON MAIDEN FTW

Iron Maiden are the coolest band ever. There, I said it. Yeah, The Ramones had the sick jackets and no fucks given attitude, The Doors had that 60's psychedelic swag thing on lock, and Rage Against The Machine got tons of angst-y kids to drop (mental) f-bombs at any/all authority figures, but in the end Maiden smokes them all. Why?

Well first off, they've outlasted just about everyone. Formed in 1975, the band has been in action for 38 years now. They've never gone on hiatus or abandoned the scene, hell metal abandoned THEM in the 90's and they waited that shit out till everyone came crawling back during the new millennium. Next, the band is still relevant. Maiden are not your typical nostalgia cash in artists, as they continue to release and tour in support of new albums to this day. They're also insanely popular. Maiden regularly sell out soccer stadiums around the globe and are basically heralded as gods in South America. Also, they've sold something ridiculous like 85 million albums world wide, all due to word of mouth buzz with little to no support from mainstream radio or MTV. Finally, Maiden has Eddie, the coolest mascot in the history of mascots.

Now don't get me wrong, the individual dudes in Iron Maiden are far from Fonzie level coolness. In fact I'm almost positive a bunch of docile millionaires in their 50's are the very definition of "uncool," but that matters not. When these goofy fucks convene onstage or in the studio, they form the larger Maiden monster that's greater than the sum of it's parts. But why? Why is their campy music rooted in geeky shit like history,  mythology and science fiction so cool? Well, just listen!

It's like pirate music, full of swing and buoyant rhythms. The guitar harmonies are catchy, haunting even. Yes it's loud/heavy "metal," but there is no denying how fucking fun and exciting Maiden's music is. I want to hit the open seas and swash buckle my life away whenever this comes on. Only Iron Maiden could make a thirteen minute song about an 18th century poem rule so hard.

Why this random ass Iron Maiden tribute? Well they're playing a special little show in Southern California this Friday w/ Megadeth, Anthrax and Testament that I almost lost my tickets for. Yes, I ordered my tickets months in advance but somehow misplaced them. After a frantic search that consumed most of my afternoon, the precious tickets materialized safe and sound. I was giddy and have been blasting Powerslave and Somewhere In Time ever since.

So remember folks: Iron Maiden rule. Besides, if they're cool enough for Miley Cyrus

                                               and Michael Fassbender

then Iron Maiden is cool enough for you.



*BONUS PROOF OF MAIDEN'S SUPERIORITY*

Lady Gaga confirmed as legit Iron Maiden fan, posing backstage with Bruce and Nicko. Up The Irons Gaga.