Movie Review: Jackass 3D

"...an elegant weapon for a more civilized age"

You know you're at a strange point in your life when you find yourself cherishing the cinematic reverence of Jackass Number Two. The glory days so to speak. See, I was a sophomore in high school when the first season of Jackass aired. This was like the be-all, end-all form of entertainment for my dumb-ass friends and I. They even started their own little group called, you guessed it, DumbAss. I only participated in a few of their shenanigans at school because, well I'm not totally fucking retarded but still, the point is we and almost every teenage dude on campus loved this type of shit. I remember watching the first Jackass film in the theater with my eyes tearing from laughter. The audience inside was literally howling at the screen. When Number Two came out I had low expectations, expecting a corporate cash crab flick from greedy ass MTV and the desperate Jackass crew who hadn't really amounted to much following the show's demise. Boy was I wrong. I know this is a touchy subject, right up their with the debate between The Godfather V.S. The Godfather Part II, but I honestly think Jackass Number Two trumps the first film. My reasoning? Both films (as well as the TV show) were funny in their slapstick way but I nothing throughout the series' history grossed me out like the "How To Milk a Horse" bit. I literally almost vomited in my seat watching that. I think I saw that movie three different times at the theater. "What? You haven't seen the new Jackass yet?" is what we'd say then boom, off to vomit land.

That was four year ago. Now it's 2010 and the world is a different place. I was actually excited when I first heard the news of Jackass 3D. Anothiter installment from my favorite nearly middle aged juvenile delinquents? Awesome! If they don't have to grow up, maybe I don't either. Well after watching this movie I've concluded maybe it's about time they and my whole generation finally stopped playing feces.

My first gripe with the latest Jackass installment is that it's filmed in 3D. I happen to loathe Hollywood's recent post-Avatar 3D trend. A polished turd of a film that requires me to fork out extra money and wear some annoying glasses is still a fucking turd. The only 3D movie I enjoyed was Piranha 3D, and that's because of Kelly Brook's tits flopping around in glorious three dimensions. All the 3D stuff in Jackass was unnecessary and a waste of the audiences' money as far as I'm concerned.My second problem is, the jokes/gags/stunts just weren't up to par.
Yeah, I chuckled a lot and winced in discomfort a few times but didn't OMG/ROFL like the previous films. I sat in the theater thinking, "Oh look, they're being attacked by animals again. Now they're old guys in make-up again. Now they're..." The giant hand slapper bit was funny but really seemed like a rip off of the boxing glove stunt from Number 2. You could say the same thing about A LOT of this movie. I'd say the jet engine scene was the best stunt in the whole movie. They stand behind a jet plane and get launched by/pelted with objects by it's roaring engine. Other than that it's slim pickens in terms of originality. My third and final complaint about Jackass 3D is the fact that most of the Jackass crew looked old, out of shape and like they didn't even want to be there. Knoxville and Dave England were the only dudes without spare tires or man tits which is kind of sad. I know they aren't exactly spring chickens anymore but c'mon guys, do some sit ups or cut back on the booze if you're gonna try and rock a bikini on the big screen (in 3D no less).

I'm sure most everybody has seen Jackass 3D by now so my negative review is kind of pointless. I planned on making this post after I saw the film but honestly, after a day or two passed I forgot I even saw it. For those of you who haven't seen it yet, I'd recommend waiting for Netflix...and don't even watch the entire movie either, just skip to the ending montage of old photos and clips from the crew's glorious early 2000's heyday, set to the tune of Weezer's "Memories." That was honestly my favorite part of the movie, remembering my DumbAss youth, a time when I paid no taxes and when Jackass was still funny.